Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
