highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
