I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
