Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
