just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize