He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
