i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
