omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
