My underwear smells like fireworks.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
