yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
