What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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