You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Ladies don't puke and tell
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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