I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
