Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
