another moral hangover. fuck.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wish i was in the wii world.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
