so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
