Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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