he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
