someone threw a dead crab at me
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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