The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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