That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
