Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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