i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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