he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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