this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
