Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
