Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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