It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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