Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
