I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
