shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
