New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
