Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
