So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
