That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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