I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
