pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
