Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I look excited, but its just a facade.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
