He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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