I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
you never un-have a 4some
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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