I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
