and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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