someone get that fucking seahorse.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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