I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
