dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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