I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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