the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
