had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he thought i was a dude.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
