sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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