Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
