I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
