I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
