i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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