Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
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i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
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Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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