Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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