We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
