Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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