I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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