I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
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Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
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The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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