if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
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Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
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How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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