Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
