i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
