I am in a vortex of obligation.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize