She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
