I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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